24 Hours

Well, it’s been interesting. Last evening, Cliff and I were on the local news to discuss TSA’s inexplicable test procedure – we both took the initial test about six months ago and failed. He was a Chicago copper and me a legal secretary for more than 30 years, we both have college degrees and stellar work records, but we’re not qualified to screen luggage? And all TSA will say is, “You failed;” no explanation, no offer of what or why, just “You failed.” Hmmmmmm. Me thinks they had some kind of a liberal detector in that 600-question test. Or could it be that a 3-hour test took me only 45 minutes to complete? Not really brain surgery, okay? But, hey, we're local TV stars and everyone thought we were hilarious!

Then, today. Real estate tax estimate came. Taxes on our empty lot have doubled to more than $7000. Anyone interested in buying a lot in Cape Coral? Thank God for the homeowner’s exemption which keeps the taxes on our house fairly stable. Cliff is talking about moving out of the country.

Had to find a vice president at LaSalle Bank for Bill – the operator at the bank only had access to “in-bank extensions,” but she could transfer me, she said. I was transferred to some voice mail with no message, just one of those electronic voices that suddenly chided me for “not speaking loudly enough.” Well, hello, I didn’t even know I was supposed to be speaking! Called back and in my best condescending secretarial voice spelled out in great detail what I needed and ended up with the woman’s cell phone number, office number, secretary’s name and secretary’s number. This is what happens when there are only two banks in the entire country, okay?

The pool guy sent a check out for me (three weeks late) even though our agreement was that he would clean my pool and give me a little cash to do his billing. It’s getting to the point where the aggravation is outweighing the benefits . . . but I’ll just play the trick that worked so well with lawyers. When they didn’t act right, I just stopped working until they straightened out. Worked every time.

Then there's the ongoing problem with an e-bay seller from whom I supposedly purchased a textbook for Cliff; she took my money, then I got an e-mail saying it was being sent, and then another one saying she “changed her mind.” I e-mailed her asking what the hell was going on and haven’t heard boo. However, I found another seller who lives right here in Cape Coral and we’re hooking up tomorrow. I’ll go after Seller No. 1 once I have the book in hand.

Finally, at about 4:30 the neighbor’s daughter came running over with her dog, crying that her younger brother and sister (8-year-old twins) had taken the dog for a walk and brought her back with a broken leg, and who’s my vet? She was so distraught I ended up taking her and the dog to the vet where we discovered the leg was, in fact, broken . . . dog had to be sedated so they could set it and we came home with a dog and a cast and a bunch of pills.

All I can say is, “Thank God for kind doctors and Valium," okay? It was that kind of day.

Sane???

Dan Warner writes a column in the local Fort Myers paper and I generally consider him to be the fount of all common sense. However, the column he wrote about last week's London event belied my opinion. I was feeling uneasy as I read it, but when I read, ". . . which means the SANE response is to remain AFRAID," I threw the paper at the TV.

Despite their carefully scripted protestations to the contrary, "afraid" is exactly where Bush and his lap dog, Blair, want you; "afraid" is exactly where the terrorists want you; "afraid" is exactly where Halliburton/KBR/Cheney want you; "afraid" is where the CIA and NSA and FBI and all those other three-letter organizations want you. Afraid to criticize a rotton, corrupt government; afraid to say the United States is itself teetering on tyranny; afraid to speak truth to power; afraid to even live your life in peace. "Fear is the great motivator," a former boss of mine used to say. "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself," a former president once said. Truer words . . .

What exactly are we to fear? Life? Not I. Death? We're all going to die, Mr. Warner, and that's one thing I'd stake my life on. We don't get to choose when and we don't get to choose how. I'm not afraid, in fact, I refuse to be afraid. I wish for you, and all God's children, that same confidence and peace.

This and That

MIAMI VICE, the Movie: Huge disappointment. As one of those mid-life women who stayed at home on Friday evenings to watch Miami Vice, the TV show, all I can say to Colin and Jamie is “You, my dears, are no Crockett and Tubbs.” Pathetic “plot,” amazing lack of hysterically funny conversation, totally PC attitude, lots of fast cars and shooting; one barely believable drug deal. My three-word review: PA THE TIC.

FLOYD LANDIS: Hey, if he’s “ours,” he’s ours. What’s with canceling the parade in Ephrata? What’s with the backpedaling (awful pun, I know) of MWR, which followed his progress with bated breath until the drug allegations, quickly changing its editorial at that point. Let’s stand up and say, “Hey, he’s Floyd Landis and he’s one of ours (well, okay, he's an “opshtanna”) and we love him regardless.” Besides, there’s no official resolution of this yet, now is there?

ISRAEL: Might have bitten off more than it can chew. True colors coming out when they indiscriminately (intentionally?) hit buildings containing old people and children and continue their efforts to bomb Lebanon into obscurity. Friends of mine from the Middle East describe a totally different Hizbollah than does CNN. And, hey, why doesn’t anyone scream and rant and rave about how much MILITARY money the good old US of A sends to Israel every single year . . . not a measly $100 million, but billions and billions.

POKER UPDATE: Jim McManus went out at #17 last week, I believe. And I have another friend who’s on his way to getting his mug on TV. Shawn Van Asdale tells me he went out at #40 in Vegas last week . . . so watch for him! He’s one of my very favorite friends who is also a lawyer with whom I worked at Seyfarth. Just hope he and Jim don’t end up at the same table one day. I wouldn’t be able to watch! By the way, Jim just wrote a new book about health care in America, called “Physical.” Absolutely wonderful read, if anyone’s interested.

CHRIS: Hurricane coming? Hope not. I have decreed there will be none in Cape Coral this year!