Old Secretary: Working with Difficult Bosses
When I find myself working for someone difficult, I try, first of all, to be upfront and honest, with a generous sprinkling of humor. Consistently doing the best possible job in spite of his bad humor is another trick. Refusing to lose my cool, doing my damnedest to remain calm and rational, even insisting on being upbeat can sometimes turn the tide. Being friendly and helpful to clients can go a long way toward endearing yourself with the most difficult boss. However, there are some people who will not be pleased or pleasant, no matter what you do. And one of the hardest, most god-awful things I’ve ever had to learn and accept is that you are never, ever going to be able to get along with everyone.
Being up front and honest can often stop problems before they start, even with people who have reputations for being difficult. One of my current assignments had a reputation for being an extremely difficult work-horse and, rumor had it, a nasty habit of waiting until about 4:30 in the afternoon to really get going. So, the first time we talked, I said, only half-jokingly, “I’ve got to warn you. I’m an old woman and eight hours a day is more than enough for me. I don’t want to work overtime. At 5:00 I’m tired and I just want to go home. If you want your work done correctly and efficiently, give it to me early in the morning, before I get to that mid-afternoon-mistake-prone level of exhaustion.” It worked like a charm! That same “up front” trick worked on another difficult partner whose desk I often covered. Things went smoothly until one day when I couldn’t find a document for him. He became quite cross, and began pacing behind my desk, mumbling about my shortcomings. Finally, I turned around and said, “Look, Ted, your pacing and mumbling aren’t helping me. In fact, they’re making me very nervous. Please go back to your office and I’ll find the document for you.” I’ve never had another problem with him and we’ve achieved a level of mutual respect and friendliness that amazes me at times.
Every successful secretary has plenty of tricks up her sleeve. One that I learned a long time ago is to never respond in anger. It’s a trick that has served me well. There is nothing more deflating than yelling at someone who refuses to yell back. When I was doing billing in my former life, a junior partner came to my office and started screaming and cursing about the fact that I had not charged what he believed to be his new “partner” rate. I knew that I could not change a rate without authorization from the executive committee and I knew that he was out of line. I glanced up from my keyboard, turned back around and continued to work, saying not a word and totally ignoring his outburst. He soon ran out of steam and left the room. The end of that story was hilarious. I went to see the office manager and she said, “We’ll take care of this. Come with me.” We went to the managing partner’s office where she described what had happened and explained that this particular junior partner believed that he should be charging the same rate as the managing partner. The junior partner was quite rudely summoned to the office (“Howard! Get your ass in here!”) where he was summarily humiliated in front of both me and the office manager. It was all we could do to keep from laughing and well worth the little scene I had had to endure!
Another thing I will never do is cry in front of someone, no matter how mean and evil-tempered they’re being. I have done my share of boo-hooing in bathroom stalls, but I refuse to let the perpetrator know he got to me. My policeman-husband’s advice is a bit more pro-active, shall we say. “Don’t let them intimidate you. When they come out yelling, just get up out of your chair and stand up, and I promise they’ll think twice about carrying on.” I have to admit that I’ve done that once or twice, even shaking my finger in someone’s face. It was effective, to say the least, and felt good at the moment, but I’m not convinced it was the best solution, long-term. There’s nothing quite as sobering as calm, total, rational silence in the onslaught of a ranting, raving, red-faced temper tantrum.
The most difficult situation for me personally is the co-worker who is pleasant and friendly one minute, and then, suddenly and inexplicably, tense and uncommunicative the next. Inconsistency throws me for a loop and totally unnerves me. Inconsistency compounds normal day-to-day tensions, raising them to almost unbearable levels. Not knowing what causes the changes ratchets up the tension even more, because I can’t figure out how to stop the wild swings or avoid their consequences. Another story: In the middle of one of those pre-PC job interviews, the office manager said to me, “By the way, I’m the office bitch and if you can get along with me, you can get along with anyone.” I replied, “Tell me one thing. Are you at least consistent about being a bitch?” She hesitated and then inquired, “Why do you ask?” I explained that I really didn’t care what or how she was; as long as she was consistent, I would figure out a way to get along with her. Needless to say, I got the job and spent over 10 years working with her.
When situations become unbearable, I have several different tension-relievers. Sometimes I find a fellow-secretary who will listen, commiserate and make me laugh. Sometimes a good cry in the bathroom does it. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I work with a lot of good people and that “one monkey don’t stop no show.” Sometimes I just grit my teeth and say to myself, “Come on, you’ve done this for nigh unto 30 years, surely you can do it for another six months.” Sometimes I sit down and write what I’d really like to say, put it aside, read it again in a couple of days and throw it away. Sometimes I lose that famous Bender temper and live up to my reputation as the “secretary who won’t take any shit.” And sometimes I have thrown in the towel, admitted I can’t handle it and gone on to other things.
Being up front and honest can often stop problems before they start, even with people who have reputations for being difficult. One of my current assignments had a reputation for being an extremely difficult work-horse and, rumor had it, a nasty habit of waiting until about 4:30 in the afternoon to really get going. So, the first time we talked, I said, only half-jokingly, “I’ve got to warn you. I’m an old woman and eight hours a day is more than enough for me. I don’t want to work overtime. At 5:00 I’m tired and I just want to go home. If you want your work done correctly and efficiently, give it to me early in the morning, before I get to that mid-afternoon-mistake-prone level of exhaustion.” It worked like a charm! That same “up front” trick worked on another difficult partner whose desk I often covered. Things went smoothly until one day when I couldn’t find a document for him. He became quite cross, and began pacing behind my desk, mumbling about my shortcomings. Finally, I turned around and said, “Look, Ted, your pacing and mumbling aren’t helping me. In fact, they’re making me very nervous. Please go back to your office and I’ll find the document for you.” I’ve never had another problem with him and we’ve achieved a level of mutual respect and friendliness that amazes me at times.
Every successful secretary has plenty of tricks up her sleeve. One that I learned a long time ago is to never respond in anger. It’s a trick that has served me well. There is nothing more deflating than yelling at someone who refuses to yell back. When I was doing billing in my former life, a junior partner came to my office and started screaming and cursing about the fact that I had not charged what he believed to be his new “partner” rate. I knew that I could not change a rate without authorization from the executive committee and I knew that he was out of line. I glanced up from my keyboard, turned back around and continued to work, saying not a word and totally ignoring his outburst. He soon ran out of steam and left the room. The end of that story was hilarious. I went to see the office manager and she said, “We’ll take care of this. Come with me.” We went to the managing partner’s office where she described what had happened and explained that this particular junior partner believed that he should be charging the same rate as the managing partner. The junior partner was quite rudely summoned to the office (“Howard! Get your ass in here!”) where he was summarily humiliated in front of both me and the office manager. It was all we could do to keep from laughing and well worth the little scene I had had to endure!
Another thing I will never do is cry in front of someone, no matter how mean and evil-tempered they’re being. I have done my share of boo-hooing in bathroom stalls, but I refuse to let the perpetrator know he got to me. My policeman-husband’s advice is a bit more pro-active, shall we say. “Don’t let them intimidate you. When they come out yelling, just get up out of your chair and stand up, and I promise they’ll think twice about carrying on.” I have to admit that I’ve done that once or twice, even shaking my finger in someone’s face. It was effective, to say the least, and felt good at the moment, but I’m not convinced it was the best solution, long-term. There’s nothing quite as sobering as calm, total, rational silence in the onslaught of a ranting, raving, red-faced temper tantrum.
The most difficult situation for me personally is the co-worker who is pleasant and friendly one minute, and then, suddenly and inexplicably, tense and uncommunicative the next. Inconsistency throws me for a loop and totally unnerves me. Inconsistency compounds normal day-to-day tensions, raising them to almost unbearable levels. Not knowing what causes the changes ratchets up the tension even more, because I can’t figure out how to stop the wild swings or avoid their consequences. Another story: In the middle of one of those pre-PC job interviews, the office manager said to me, “By the way, I’m the office bitch and if you can get along with me, you can get along with anyone.” I replied, “Tell me one thing. Are you at least consistent about being a bitch?” She hesitated and then inquired, “Why do you ask?” I explained that I really didn’t care what or how she was; as long as she was consistent, I would figure out a way to get along with her. Needless to say, I got the job and spent over 10 years working with her.
When situations become unbearable, I have several different tension-relievers. Sometimes I find a fellow-secretary who will listen, commiserate and make me laugh. Sometimes a good cry in the bathroom does it. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I work with a lot of good people and that “one monkey don’t stop no show.” Sometimes I just grit my teeth and say to myself, “Come on, you’ve done this for nigh unto 30 years, surely you can do it for another six months.” Sometimes I sit down and write what I’d really like to say, put it aside, read it again in a couple of days and throw it away. Sometimes I lose that famous Bender temper and live up to my reputation as the “secretary who won’t take any shit.” And sometimes I have thrown in the towel, admitted I can’t handle it and gone on to other things.
posted by Debra Hope @ 6:31 PM
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